For those who already have children past this age,
this is hilarious. For
those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have
children nearing this age, this is a warning. For
those who have not yet
had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in
Austin, Texas:
Things I’ve Learned From My Children (honest and no
kidding) .
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in
a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a
paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20×20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the
ceiling fan is on. When using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball
up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long way!
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t
stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh
oh,’ it’s already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and
lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old.
11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
pool, you still can’t
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though
TV commercials show they
do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18. You probably don’t want to know what that smell
is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when
dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First
grade…true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story
where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for
his home. She read,
‘…And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of
that straw to build my
house?’
The teacher paused then, and asked the class, ‘And
what do you think that
man said?’ One little boy raised his hand and said,
‘I think he
said…’Holy sh_t! A talking pig!’ The teacher was
unable to teach for the
next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid.